amen

part of what i do at my job is pray for people. i have been given the opportunity to pray for people who are scared, lonely, frustrated, and confused. i mostly feel overwhelmed by this. i don't know how prayer works exactly - but i don't feel like i might be the best advocate for these folks (until i remember that there is only one advocate [1 John 2:1] - and it's not me). i have prayed for people to be healed and they never got well and i have sought answers only to hear the loudest silence. and yet, i am not saying that prayer doesn't work. it's like that conversation with a good friend after a stressful day that doesn't make the day better - it just reminds you that you are not alone and somehow that is enough. recently i was taught that in prayer we can give up all that crap that we are clinging to that makes us unhealthy and we can gather up all the grace and forgiveness that we need. seems like a good deal to me. so why don't i pray more? why do i doubt? why do i keep trying to carry all this stuff on my own?

i found this prayer in a book a while back. i love that thomas merton is so honest. how can we know the motives of our own heart? i love that we don't have to have everything figured out (well maybe i don't love that but i am learning to live with it). i love that i have a saviour who is pleased to simply listen to my heart.

A prayer of Thomas Merton "My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know my self, and the the fact that I think I am following you does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone." Amen