and again . . . one more time

i am processing a lot of thoughts right now. after a great evening with some really amazing people, i am digesting the conversations of the night. and i keep thinking - it's so daily. whether it's just life or a faith journey or a relationship - it's so very daily. and sometimes it is just this fact alone that has the ability to break us.

to use my dishwasher example one more time . . . everytime i eat, i generally dirty a dish. this action causes me to have to rinse the dish and place it into the dishwaher. eventually, i must run the dishwasher, empty the dishwasher, and then fill the dishwasher yet again.

i must love you over and over again - whether the sun is shining, i'm having a good hair day, or you just threw my failures of last week into my face. i have to love you today and i have to love you again tomorrow. and sometimes that just seems impossible. not because it's not in me to love the people that i love, but sometimes it's just so hard.

and i don't know the secret. i don't know how to bear up under the constant strain of having to do the same things over and over again. but i am certain of this - it's useless to think one can store up all the good stuff on one day. the walk is too long. it's not about what i say i will do next week or next year. it's never about what i want to do. when next week arrives, i have to choose to do it all over again, whether i want to do it or not.